So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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