rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
