Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
