I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
