I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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