Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
