On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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