she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
