his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
