my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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