Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
