Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
