this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
