reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
