Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
