sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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