I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
