I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
