I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
