How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
