Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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