Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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