Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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