they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
