Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's never too late to be topless.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
