I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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