Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
