Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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