I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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