I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
