I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
