dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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