well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
