This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
