I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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