Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
