It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
