is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Someone shattered a urinal.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
