Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
