guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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