I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Will exercising make me less horny?
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