I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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