i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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