if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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