so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
