so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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