More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
