just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
