Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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