I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
