So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Come share oat with me in your robe
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
