I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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