is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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