We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize