She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
