He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
