Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
