the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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