also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
