Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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