How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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