Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
