i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
