There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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