She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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