did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
